Wednesday, December 25, 2024

To neutralize, If not to reconcile... Personal...

 

Dear friends,

Greetings of the year to dawn shortly!

As the curtain of 2023 is coming down and we are getting ready to welcome the New Year, let me prepare myself for the year ahead trying to neutralize, if not to reconcile  myself with an incident, a first of its kind in my life I could remember and 43 years of ministry in the diocese and elsewhere and that too at the Presbyterium in June this year wherein some of us questioned my intentions and integrity to the extent of one of us even suggesting to the archbishop to 'reprimand' me at least… You all have seen how the archbishop responded and what he had to say…

Mind you, all these outbursts over a controversial stretched out and failed agitation led by the ‘diocese’, ultimately exposing us, if not humiliating us as a people.

Having no claim other than my possibly open life with maximum transparency and authenticity, could not take that questioning of my intentions and integrity that easy, though the archbishop seemingly didn’t buy that particular suggestion or other outbursts. This was preceded by some of your questionings in the WhatsApp platform to which I responded and kept aloof ever since.

Could not but respond to this disowning by way of not joining anymore any of the table fellowship, whether it be the Eucharistic or otherwise thereafter. This continues to this day including the week long retreat and none of you seemed to have noticed it or you are indifferent with. This indifference I am not used to nor is it Christian, let alone human to my understanding and as such can’t bear, however I try.

The following are some of the outbursts, still reverberating:

-   സ്വന്തം സമുദായത്തെ ഒറ്റികൊടുക്കുന്ന ഇന്നത്തെ യൂദാസുമാർ

-   Thendittaram

-   Presbyteriathil ചോദിക്കും

-   Me too

-   It looks you are running away

-   Responsible should resign from the post

-   ആർച്ച്ബിഷപ്പ് ഇക്കൂട്ടറിൽനിന്നും രാജി എഴുതിവാങ്ങാനുള്ള ആർജവം കാണിക്കണം

-   ഉത്തവാദിത്വം ഉള്ളവർ ഇതിനു മറുപടി പറഞ്ഞെ പറ്റു. ഇല്ലങ്കിൽ 19 നുള്ള Presbyteriam പലതിനും സാക്ഷ്യം വഹിക്കേണ്ടി വരും

-   Really shameful and painful

-   This is the most unkindest cut of all

-   നമ്മുടെ രൂപതയിൽ സ്വയം അരികൊമ്പന്മാർ എന്ന് അഹങ്കാരിക്കുന്ന ചില കോമരങ്ങൾ ഉണ്ട്. അവരെ മയക്കു വെടി വച്ചു ആരോ കാട്ടിലേക്കു മാറ്റി. ഇനി അവർ അവരുടെ ആവശ്യങ്ങൾക്കുവേണ്ടി മാത്രമെ വാ തുറക്കുകയുള്ളു. അത്രക്കും ഏലിയാസ് ജോൺ തള്ളി അണ്ണാക്കിൽ കൊടുത്തിട്ടുണ്ട്

My life being my message, better I bring it here as briefly as possible as a testimony of my questioned or challenged commitment to Jesus and his kingdom through his people, especially for our younger ones who were vociferous in seemingly castigating me without really knowing me and my ministry all these years...

My ministry started at Anchuthengu area, the epicenter of fishermen struggles pioneered by late Redemptorist Thomas Kochery and team. From those days I was sufficiently involved along with our ‘liberation theology’ friends in our people’s struggles in the diocese and elsewhere.

To this day i was not censored or punished either in my seminary days or afterwards in spite of my being outright and outspoken all along.

In my ministry, served in about 15 parishes (including 3 mission parishes) covering almost all the foranes, twice director of the Board of Education and once Corporate Manager (in the first term it was our Board that recommended for an Engineering College in the diocese and TSSS was asked to work on realizing it. At both the terms we could prepare selection list for teacher appointment) and twice Vicar Forane. Never ever had any bitter experience from the people or with the authorities...

Having necessary self-esteem and clear stand on matters, i didn’t hesitate to leave parishes and offices on my own when I could not really compromise with, though, in this case, I waited for the presbyterium to indict me to resign as asked for by some of us. It didn’t happen somehow!

In the very first parish I had to witness helplessly a police firing, killing one of my parishners in the very second year, resulting in Judicial Enquiry.

In my seventh year was arrayed as an accused in a man-missing case in the RSS attack at Vallavilai and had to go underground for more than a year...

Did my post-graduation in philosophy as a regular student at the University College on my own while serving as a parish priest... Here I was made the manager of an individual LP School and had an affair and was about to leave...

Opted for ashram life for some four months and had to quit on the request of the then ordinary to help opening a church that remained closed for quite some time...

Was made Correspondent of a school after more than a decade's Receivership... It was here some six people of the neighbouring parish were killed in a fight on account of appointments in the school claiming ownership by both the parishes... Had to be in exile with the entire people of the parish for about a month or so…

I was appointed as the secretary to the Labour, Justice and Peace Commission of the TSSS for a term.

Completed my Masters in Biblical Theology from Dharmaram Vidhya Kshetra, Bangalore again on my own...

My father passed away…

Had to undergo a brain surgery at the SCT, Trivandrum to remove a tumor diagnosed after a stroke in 1999.

Ministry at Nuh, Haryana...

Ministry at the USA as a hospital chaplain in the Kennedy Hospitals, Stratford, New Jersey and Associate Pastor at St. Lawrence, Lindenwold in Camden diocese. From day first onwards, shared 1/3 of my salary for the diocese, 1/3 for the down payment to the parish for the car bought for me...

Back from the US, did my Law Degree from Law Academy, Trivandrum and got enrolled at the Bar Council of Kerala and started practicing at the District Courts, Trivandrum. I kept away from active ministry for about two years.

Subsequently did my Masters in Law through Distant Education in MG University.

Mother too leaves us forever…

Senate member since 1983 till i kept out of election process in 2020. During those times was appointed as its General Secretary for three senates...

Was appointed as the Convenor of the Study Forum in the diocese in the late nineties and Theological Forum later...

Again kept out of the diocese and even worked in a private institution to sustain myself. I came back as requested by the then archbishop.

In absentia, my name seemingly was proposed for the Souvenir on the Episcopal Ordination of the archbishop and the team asked me to head the editorial team...

Had not ever been part of any peer or pressure group nor maneuvered for any benefit, privilege or position...

Since the early nineties stopped receiving stipends for Mass and in some parishes didn’t avail the due monthly allowances even...

Never ever used any offerings or gifts personally…

[I was in the editorial team of ORA (Organ for Radical Action) magazine, twice the national treasurer of the CPCI (Catholic Priests Conference of India) and one of the members of the Institutional Ethics Committee of the Govt. Ayurveda College, Trivandrum.]

Have no claim other than my life which, i tried to live as openly as possible, is my message.

In a conversation with one of our priests this evening, he suggested that I seemed to be intolerant to criticisms (may be because they don’t bother to convince me, if not biased), not forgiving and kept distance from the ones who make such criticisms. Yes, it is really hard to forgive and forget and embrace such ones. In the year to dawn shortly, shall try to reach out to them and come back to the fellowship which seemingly disowned me in public.

Happy, hope filled and Blessed New Year!

 

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